Leather Vest

It’s getting aggravating being so subdued

Rivers all dried up

Weather increasingly violent and polar

Knots forming in my stomach

that turn and turn then sit

If you’ve ever felt relaxed

but still scratched away at skin

under your elbow

this is for you

I want to move more than ever

but my feet clean

and fidgeting

don’t really want to go

like anywhere

The paradox of wanting someone else

and feeling incomplete without them

but wanting to offer them a complete

version of self

or none at all

Shame in emoting with so much emotion

but reality is just coffee and wishing I smoked cigarettes

and sitting still mainly

learning to meditate through life

but the fine line of meditation

and sedation

a high wire act that requires very little skill

and a lot of self doubt

every wood grain in this entire building

was lined up end to end

the pattern organic but rearranged

perfectly by human hands

the least organic appendage that still finds

in its unfolding that same basic organic structure

as anything else

the science text books from early high school

seem so segregated in my mind

from reality of dirt

two worlds of being and taxonomy

But this guy

with his dirty fingernails

and leathered knuckles

pointing at grains in wood

“all from the same tree in Washington”

sliced thin

to form a continuous veneer

has a secret that he doesn’t even know

in his very being

or that I project on to him

to make myself feel less subdued

to make my relationship to volatile weather

less anachronistic

to make my lack of relationships

more palatable

and my vision of self

less cluttered and obscured by

gyroscopic self-reflection   


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